Friday, April 22, 2011

The Not So Good Kind of Tired

A couple of years ago I wrote two articles for a magazine about homeschooling with a chronically ill child. They were written from the heart and explained the challenges that we were currently trying to manage.

Well, here we are two years later, and those challenges certainly have not minimized. If anything, some of them are even more difficult. We have a $10,000 total out of pocked medical expense that was met in February, so the medical bills continue to mount. The travel expenses are often minimized thanks to amazing friends in Cincinnati, but trips to other cities (like Akron and Toledo this coming May) mean hotels and rental cars and food. But as difficult as the financial side seems to feel, the real challenge is the relationships within the family.

Today, Will and I flew home from Cincinnati. It had been a really restful, encouraging trip. Is Will better? No. Is he going to get better? We have no idea, but if he does, it won't be for years. So while Cincinnati did not alleviate medical issues, we were blessed with this huge respite...which made the arrival home all the more challenging which, I realize, seems like an odd statement.

But after experiencing multiple days of peace and tranquility, the disharmony here just screamed at me. Almost every relationship is struggling, and I just seem incapable of knowing how to help any of them. While they fought their way through the day, I found myself more and more wanting to curl up into a tiny ball and hide. Is that gonna help? Obviously not. But how to help evades me. I am exhausted and lost and barely holding on to that fraying rope. Is there hope? Yes. Do I currently see it? Nope. Not the best place to be...

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