Just for the record..I updated the blog Thursday night (ok. Really, it was Friday morning since it was after midnight...) and then Friday morning wrote an apology...
The apology I was written purely out of guilt on my part. No one was offended or offensive. I was the only one telling me to "Suck it up, Buttercup." It was truly one of those moments when you think, "I really shouldn't have said this but now it's in everyone's inbox and now what do I do?"
Thursday night, I had just finished manipulating numbers, trying to find some way to afford a school that I truly believe would be ideal for my younger children next year, when I wrote the update. I had been told that the school would be willing to provide some scholarship assistance, but I still had to find funds to pay the balance of tuition. And it just is impossible. There is no way to help Will medically and pay tuition. I was exhausted both physically and emotionally. I can't help any of my kids at this point. It's totally in the Lord's hands because there is no way mine can make any of this work. But I was so sad. I so want my kids to have stability and a decent education provided by people who truly love the Lord and care for my kids.
So I wrote the update.
Friday morning, I thought, "Oh, I cannot believe I did that." Why do I just put everything out there for the world to see? They don't want to know that we can't afford tuition and still pay our medical bills and travel expenses to Ohio and the mortgage. They don't want to nor need to know the minute details of our life or of my grief over our current situation. Really. Put on that Sunday face and "Suck it up, Buttercup!" So I wrote the "I am so sorry for being way too blunt" post.
And then I received emails. People are truly concerned that I was being criticized for the post or that I was irritated by suggestions I received in an attempt to help me find a solution. None of that is true. It truly was my own sense of guilt at having burdened anyone with my current level of pain...Truly.
So do I apologize for the apology post? :) Or do I simply say, "Thank you for caring enough to pray and for wanting to help find solutions to the impossible dilemna." I think I'll stick with the thank you and quit apologizing for breathing...at least for the moment. :)